(And no, I’m not sorry for asking him to protect us.)
There are some relationship red flags you can spot immediately.
He hates all your friends.
He says every one of his exes was “crazy.”
He gets angry when you ask perfectly normal questions.
And then there’s my personal favourite: “I don’t like condoms.”
My ex said that line with the confidence of a man presenting a TED Talk.
My response was simple. “I do.”
Conversation over. At least, that’s what I thought.
We’d been together for a while, and I trusted him. But trust didn’t mean I was willing to leave contraception entirely to vibes.
So I insisted we use condoms. Not because I didn’t love him. Not because I thought he was “dirty.”
Because I wanted to protect myself from unintended pregnancy and reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections. Simple.
Apparently, it was not simple to him. There were negotiations…
“Just this once.”
“I’ll pull out.”
“You’re overthinking.”
“You don’t trust me?”
That last one used to get me.
Because somehow asking for protection became evidence that I didn’t trust him.
Eventually, I realised something. My boundary didn’t need a courtroom defence. I wanted protection. That was enough.
Then we broke up.
A few months later, I found out he’d been seeing someone else while we were together. And for a moment, I wondered if I’d been foolish for trusting him. Then I thought about it differently. I hadn’t been foolish for asking him to use condoms.
I hadn’t been dramatic.
I hadn’t been “too careful.”
I had made a decision about my sexual health. His cheating was his choice. My decision to protect myself was mine. That distinction took me a while to understand.
And it also made me realise that condoms aren’t the only contraceptive option available.
I’d spent so much time thinking about what my partner wanted that I hadn’t spent enough time learning about what was available to me.
So I started looking into different contraceptive methods and speaking to healthcare professionals.
That conversation gave me something I’d been missing: options.
If you’re sexually active, contraception shouldn’t be a one-person responsibility or something you only discuss after something goes wrong.
Talk about it. Ask questions. Know your options.
And if your partner pressures you to ignore your boundaries, that’s a relationship conversation, not a contraceptive method.
You can learn more about contraceptive options and sexual health at yourlife.ng
Because protecting your sexual health isn’t an accusation. It’s a choice.
And nobody gets to make that choice for you.
Your Life. Your Choice.
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