Eletiofe Chair Simulator Is a Game About ... Sitting

Chair Simulator Is a Game About … Sitting


- Advertisment -

Over the weekend, I finished my first desktop gaming PC build, complete with an RTX 3080, a wicked-fast hard drive, and more RGB than is fully necessary. Once I was fully set up, I didn’t push Cyberpunk 2077‘s ray-tracing capabilities to the max. I didn’t delve into the world of overclocking. I didn’t even mine a single Satoshi. Rather, I mined Sit Points in Chair Simulator, a free Steam game that lives up to its name.

Chair Simulator is the latest drop from MSCHF, the viral pranksters known for such memes as the Jesus shoes (and subsequent Satan shoes), Finger on the App, and mounting a paintball gun on a Boston Dynamics Spot robot. The game is silly, senseless, and weirdly enjoyable—an embodiment of that specific sort of slap-happy, late-night sleepover energy. 

Everyone has heard of farming and immersive life simulators, but there are tons of strange sim games available on Steam. Goat Simulator and Microsoft Flight Simulator are two of the more well-known options, but players can also simulate obscure, often mundane tasks like building a PC, power washing, and winemaking. Chair Simulator definitely falls into the latter category. 

If you buy something using links in our stories, we may earn a commission. This helps support our journalism. Learn more.

Don’t Just Sit There

Starting a new game loads hilariously low-poly playable characters to choose from. The names are notable—choose from Dillion Francis, FaZe Jarvis, Corinna Kopf, Mr. Beast, and other MSCHF associates. (I played as Neekolul, who cheerily called me a boomer each time I sat.) Your goal is to sit, earn Sit Points, and purchase all 100 of the chairs. That’s it. That’s your only objective. Part relaxing, part aggravating, this game is exactly as weird as it sounds.

You earn Sit Points (SP) by—you guessed it—sitting. You’ll need to keep an eye on your discomfort meter, though. If it gets too high, you’ll earn points slower. Ignore it for much longer and you’ll die. Permanently. There are no save states. It’s like a lower-stakes Dark Souls

After sitting and standing and sitting again for more than half an hour of my actual lifespan on this planet, I navigated Neekolul to the only other environment in the game: an IKEA-esque storefront offering labyrinthian showrooms full of chairs. I passed a beanbag (50 SP), a piano bench (200 SP), and dozens of other seating options. Then I stumbled upon the Iron Throne, priced at a whopping 800 SP. I knew what I had to do.

I walked back to my starter folding chair, and I sat, and I stood, and I let my discomfort meter reset, and I sat again. I upgraded to a slightly less uncomfortable chair—an Orgone option worth 450 SP—and started earning points faster. Finally, I accumulated enough to unlock the Iron Throne, and despite the lack of any tangible achievement, taking a seat made me feel like Daenerys. I actually exclaimed, “I got the Iron Throne!” in my living room at 3 AM. Nobody was around to celebrate with me, to care. Nobody was around to witness the madness in my eyes as I decided to complete the rest of my meaningless furniture Pokédex. 

I kept sitting and standing, eventually purchasing a costly Eames lounge that earned 6 SP per second. I was on top of the world low-poly world. A quick search lent me a cheat code and I WASD’d my way through the store, purchasing with abandon. After 90 minutes and a near-miss with a lethal chair, I reached the absurd ending. It was funny, but bittersweet. I wanted to keep sitting. 

Have Several Seats

Unsurprisingly, there are already YouTube videos of people speedrunning Chair Simulator. It has very positive reviews on Steam, where it’s been trending off and on since it was first available to download. The game’s cheeky item descriptions and bizarre self-awareness made me laugh, but what I found most delightful were the parallels. There’s something unexpectedly funny about spending hours sitting in real life while playing a game where sitting is both the journey and the destination. 

Level Up with the Games Newsletter

Sign up for the latest gaming tips, reviews, and features, in your inbox every week.

My brother texted me upon seeing my Steam activity. “Louryn, what the heck is ‘Chair Simulator’?” I told him, “it’s exactly what it sounds like.

Despite the lack of Steam achievements, storyline, depth, and nearly every other hallmark of what makes a game good, I had a ton of fun playing Chair Simulator. Somehow, it’s the perfect distillation of gaming—it’s an obvious waste of time, and it isn’t disguised as anything other than that…which is exactly why it’s worth installing.

More Great WIRED Stories

Latest news

Gbajabiamila cautions Nigerians against fake news

The Speaker says citizens all over have become broadcasters and publishers capable of influencing the opinions of many from...

Turn To Your Neighbour And Say, Are Classic Hypnotic Spells Used By Pastors – Reno Omokri

Former Presidential aide and author, Reno Omokri took to Instagram to state teach Christians on hypnotic tactics used by...

Obasanjo reacts to death of former Senate President Wayas

Former president Olusegun Obasanjo has disclosed that the late Senate President, Dr. Joseph Wayas, lived for the welfare and...

IGP says only 10% of 350,000 police officers have proper accommodation

The Inspector General of Police (IGP) Mr Usman Baba, says the Nigeria Police Force is facing gross housing deficit...
- Advertisement -

Ex-Senate President Wayas dies at 80, Saraki mourns

Wayas was a member of the Nigerian Constituent Assembly between 1977 and 1978. ...

Russia’s Putin optimistic of Nigeria’s support for 2022 summit

President Vladimir Putin of Russia has expressed great optimism for Nigeria’s support in hosting the 2022 edition of the...

Must read

Gbajabiamila cautions Nigerians against fake news

The Speaker says citizens all over have become broadcasters...

Turn To Your Neighbour And Say, Are Classic Hypnotic Spells Used By Pastors – Reno Omokri

Former Presidential aide and author, Reno Omokri took to...
- Advertisement -

You might also likeRELATED
Recommended to you