“You can always count on David Luiz,” says Mary Waltz, “to have his ‘Look, squirrel!’ moment.”
“Hi Rob,” says Lenny. “I know you’re a wordsmith and all, but for me (Clive), the most satisfying element of that statement by Hawkeye is the learning of the word occlusion. Having now looked up the definition, I’m not even sure it’s the correct usage. It’s for these reasons I’ve missed football so much.”
Lot of people eating the thesaurus these days. Not sure why everyone needs to be so magniloquent.
Half time: Manchester City 1-0 Arsenal
Peep peep! After a slow start, Manchester City went through the gears and took a deserved lead just before half-time through Raheem Sterling’s first goal of 2020. The standard has been decent, however surreal the experience. See you in 15 minutes for more of the same.
45+3 min A hat-tip to Stephen Carr, who sent this email a few minutes before the goal. “Nearly all of City’s attacks are in the area patrolled by David Luiz. He’s had quite the impact since he came on…”
GOAL! Manchester City 1-0 Arsenal (Sterling 45+2)
Raheem Sterling scores the first Premier League goal since the restart, but give credit to David Luiz for a masterful assist. De Bruyne’s ball infield from the right bounced up towards David Luiz, who opened his body to thigh it into the space behind the Arsenal defence, and indeed himself. Sterling ran on to it, waited for the ball to bounce and welted the ball past Leno.
Sterling scores the opener for City. Photograph: Dave Thompson/Reuters
Updated
45 min Three minutes of added time.
43 min Saka’s outswinging free-kick from the left just evades the stretching Mustafi at the far post.
40 min “Hello Rob,” says Kári Tulinius. “I had long ago made plans to be in a summer cabin this week in my native Iceland. I was worried I’d miss Arsenal’s first game back. But I checked before going and found that all the summer cabins in this association had pay-per-view through a fibreoptic cable. Anyway, today I found out that this is the only cabin that hasn’t been hooked up yet.”
That’s a shame. On the plus side, YOU’RE IN A SUMMER CABIN IN BLOODY ICELAND, MAN!
39 min Another chance for City, who have been magnificent in the last five minutes. De Bruyne plays a simple* through pass to Sterling, who flips the ball over Leno but also the crossbar. He should have scored.
* for him
38 min “Nobody panic,” says Jonathan Seyghal. “Yes, 2020’s been strange but… ARSENAL ARE BACK!”
Still 0-0 here at the Etihad.
37 min City have upped their game in the last few minutes. A glorious pass from De Bruyne puts Mahrez through on goal, and Leno flies from his line to make an excellent block.
36 min “Dealing with Chaka Khan puns now?” says Niall Mullen. “I feel for you.”
Unsubscribe. That was one of her songs, right?
35 min Leno makes a much better save, plunging to his left to beat away a shot on the turn from David Silva. It came after a fine passing move from City, their best of the match, and it was a superb stop.
34 min Sterling cuts infield from the left and hits a trademark curler across goal that is palmed away by the diving Leno. It was a comfortable save as it wasn’t right in the corner.
33 min Garcia drags Nketiah over just outside the area. Anthony Taylor decides it’s not a foul. Nketiah has caused Garcia problems with his movement.
31 min “It’s too bad that City’s back-up goalkeeper isn’t playing tonight,” says Peter Oh. “The match could have been billed here in the US as ‘The Tonight Show, featuring Leno and Carson!’”
30 min Gundogan overhits a routine (for him) pass to Sterling, a microcosm of a rusty first-half performance from City. The worry for them is that they don’t have many attacking options on the bench either.
29 min “Hey, I can do optimism,” weeps Ian Copestake. “If Arsenal draw what are the permutations for the Everton v Liverpool game? Would it be a clincher?”
Nope, you need Arsenal to win. But that is not as absurd a concept as it was 29 minutes ago. They’re playing really well.
28 min “Sorry Rob, I’ve been working on my novel in an isolated cabin in the Norwegian mountains for the last six months,” says Phil Grey. “I was expecting Italy – Switzerland tonight. What’s going on?”
It’s the new normal!
27 min Arsenal definitely look the sharper side, even though they have already lost two players through injury. It may be a while before they have a better chance to win at the Etihad.
25 min De Bruyne gives the ball away just outside his own area. Arsenal work the ball nicely for Aubameyang, who hoofs over from 25 yards.
Updated
24 min David Luiz replaces Pablo Mari, who is limping heavily as he is helped down the touchline.
23 min “Ah, that’s nothing,” says Matt Dony. “I have three months’ worth of bad puns, strained analogies, obscure pop-culture references and crowbarred allusions to Wales all bouncing around my brain. It’s going to be a fun 90-odd games. (For me, that is. Not the poor saps running MBMs, obviously.)”
You should try Twitter. I hear it’s good this time of year.
22 min Now Pablo Mari is down with an injury, and David Luiz is getting ready to come on. It looks like an achilles problem. While Pablo Mari is treated, the players take a drinks break.
Pep Guardiola speaks to his players during the break in play. Photograph: Laurence Griffiths/PA Wire/NMC Pool/PA
Updated
In other news, it’s back!
Hawk-Eye Innovations
(@Hawkeye_view)Hawk-Eye statement on the goal line incident during Aston Villa v Sheffield match this evening. pic.twitter.com/I2u5lqKMqe
18 min It’s been a confident start from Arsenal, who look lively in attack and composed in possession: they’ve had 50 per cent of it, in fact. The roof can always fall in pretty quickly against a Pep Guardiola team, but Mikel Arteta will bne pleased with how the match has gone so far.
16 min Tierney finds Aubameyang, who wins Arsenal’s first corner. Nothing comes of it.
13 min Saka’s inswinging cross from the right is volleyed wide of the near post by Nketiah. He got in front of Garcia but the ball came to him at an awkward height.
12 min Both teams look pretty sharp, given they haven’t played since March.
11 min Niall Mullen was right: bants really is back, as this email shows.
“Turns out, Xhaka can’t,” says Matt Dony.
10 min “Welcome back Rob,” says Gary Naylor. “Riyad Mahrez and Kevin de Bruyne on the same pitch? Reminds me of the heady days of Thierry Henry and Robert Pires. Four footballers who could have danced at the London Coliseum.”
Mahrez is a joy, isn’t he? I love wingers who beat their man through sleight of hip, especially when they are left-footed.
9 min A City corner is half-cleared to Walker, whose volley across goal skims the head of Bellerin and goes behind for a … goalkick.
Updated
7 min Xhaka is stretchered off with what looks like an ankle-ligament injury. Dani Ceballos replaces him.
Xhaka is stretched off. Photograph: Getty Images
Updated
6 min Xhaka won’t be able to continue, and Dani Ceballos is hurriedly undressing. He twisted his ankle as he was chasing after a City player and then fell into his team-mate Guendouzi.
5 min There’s a break in play while Xhaka receives treatment. I’m sure there will be a few muscle injuries in these early games because of the short pre-season. Xhaka looks like he’s struggling.
4 min De Bruyne clips the free-kick over the wall but too close to Leno, who leaps to fingertip it over the bar.
3 min Sterling is flattened by Pablo Mari just outside the area. It was an abysmal tackle, a Sunday-league hack, and I’m surprised he wasn’t booked.
3 min “Hey Rob,” says Niall Mullen. “How will City cope playing in front of a crowd this big?!! Bantz is back amirite?”
It is now!
Updated
2 min Nketiah misses an early chance, lobbing over Ederson but also the crossbar. No matter as he’d been flagged offside.
2 min A slight surprise in the Arsenal formation. Aubameyang is playing from the left, with Bukayo Saka on the right. Eddie Nketiah is up front.
There’s a minute’s silence for the victims of Covid-19, including Pep Guardiola’s mother Dolors Sala Carrio, after which the 22 players and the referee Anthony Taylor take a knee.
Players during a minutes silence. Photograph: Peter Powell/Reuters
Aubameyang takes a knee in support of the Black Lives Matter. Photograph: Getty Images
Updated
As the away side, Arsenal have the honour of getting drenched first. They are wearing their third kit, a stylish navy blue number, due to the colour clash between their usual red and Manchester City’s sky blue.
“As far as the football schedule goes, it is early spring,” says Mary Waltz. “Rain on the pitch makes perfect sense.”
Good point, although if this continues for half an hour we’ll have moats on the pitch. It’s John Cusack weather!
“The opening match delivered no sort of escapism at all,” chirps Ian Copestake. “Just a return to a familiar sort of hell. At least there will be pretty patterns on display in this one.”
Ian, sometimes I wonder whether you are truly living your best life.
It’s pelting down in Manchester. It’s the middle of June.
Mikel Arteta has just Whatsapped me to confirm that Mesut Ozil, who is not in the Arsenal squad, is not injured. Arteta says he will talk about it after the game.
It’s back! It has finished Aston Villa 0-0 Sheffield United at Villa Park. It should have been 1-0 to Sheffield United, but goalline technology went rogue when Oliver Norwood scored just before half-time.
Updated
“Scrumdidlyupmtious to see you in the seat for tonight’s game, Rob,” says Bill Hargreaves. “Hope you’ve kept well this Covid period. Into the breach, dear friends!”
I don’t know whether it’s an endorsement or an indictment of my life, but I’ve barely noticed any difference in lockdown. I’ve missed deliberately walking into who are engrossed in their phones, but that’s about it.
“Very happy about our players taking a knee in support of Black Lives Matter,” says Michelle Peters-Jones. “We need a strong statement from the Premier League and this is it in the strongest possible way, especially compared to the sports leagues across the pond.”
Yes, I’m sure it’ll happen before every Premier League game this week. It’s absolutely a good thing, but it’s probably worth revisiting in five years’ time to see whether it was more than just a PR gesture.
An email! “This ‘outside chance’ you mention, Rob, of Arsenal getting into the Champions League,” begins Charles Antaki. “Is this the same kind of outside chance that Captain Oates took, that chilly night in the Antarctic?”
If they win tonight they’ll be two points off fifth place. They’d still cock it up, nowt surer, but I reckon that constitutes an outside chance.
Players take a knee in support of Black Lives Matter movement as Premier League returns – video
While you wait, why not ready today’s Fiver? It’s all about the sad end of our world-famous* STOP FOOTBALL campaign.
Team news
The state of that Manchester City subs’ bench.
Manchester City (4-3-3) Ederson; Walker, Garcia, Laporte, Mendy; De Bruyne, Gundogan, D Silva; Mahrez, Jesus, Sterling.
Substitutes: Carson, Zinchenko, Otamendi, Rodri, B Silva, Fernandinho, Aguero, Sane, Foden.
Arsenal (possible 4-2-3-1) Leno; Bellerin, Pablo Mari, Mustafi, Tierney; Xhaka, Guendouzi; Aubameyang, Willock, Saka; Nketiah.
Substitutes: Martinez, David Luiz, Kolasinac, Ceballos, Maitland-Niles, Martinelli, Lacazette, Pepe, Nelson.
Referee Anthony Taylor.
Updated
Preamble
For heaven’s sake, man, cool your jets! This is only game two of 92 in the Great Summer Festival of Football, and you’ve already ingurgitated all the Wagon Wheels. And what’s happened to that crate of Hofmeister? That was supposed to last until Crystal Palace v Burnley a week on Monday!
Yep, the Premier League is back with a view improving the nation’s morale, and probably its obesity levels. Aston Villa v Sheffield United is taking place right now – you’ll be pleased to know the Premier League restart has already descended into farce – with the main course to follow at the Etihad. We’ve sacrificed plenty in the last few months, so now it’s time for a peedie reward: we get to watch Kevin De Bruyne play association football. Unless Pep leaves him out, in which case we can always head over to Fred Dinenage: Murder Casebook on Sky Crime.
City start this game in second place, 25 big ones behind Liverpool. If they lose tonight, Liverpool will be able to clinch the title at Goodison Park on Sunday. Arsenal are ninth, with realistic hopes of a Europa League place and an outside chance of qualifying for the Champions League.
It’s surprising to note that Arsenal have lost fewer Premier League games than City this season, though City will make it seven apiece if they win tonight. In the year 2020, most bets are off, but I doubt many will back against City tonight.
Kick off 8.15pm BST.
Updated
