As rallying cries go, “It’s coming home” isn’t a terrible one — but it isn’t a complete one, either. English football fans comfort themselves with the belief that “It’s coming home” — a line from a 1996 team anthem, “it” being the World Cup trophy — but note that there’s no actual deadline on when it’s coming home. Will 2026 be the year it comes home … or will it wait for another four years?
Americans may not understand the nuances of international soccer, the byzantine interconnections between club and country. But oh, do we understand sports heartbreak.
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From the tailgates of Buffalo, where the Bills Mafia throws itself through tables to deal with the agony of four straight Super Bowl losses, to the sports bars of Chicago, where those championship Bears and Bulls banners fade a little more every year, and a hundred stadiums besides, we know pain. And that’s why, whether we know it or not, we can sympathize with the plight of England.
The Three Lions won the World Cup in 1966. Hurrah! Alas, since then, it’s been a long, painful slog of broken dreams, dashed hopes and misfires, underachievement and divine (?) curses. Over the last 60 years, England has had to watch helplessly as its European neighbors have won eight World Cup trophies. It’s gone home to France, Spain, Italy, and two different versions of Germany — West and unified — but not, so far, to England.
So let’s extend our old sparring partners a bit of grace. Let’s run down just a few of the the painful losses England has suffered through the years, and see if there’s any hope for the future. And if not, well, let’s introduce them to Bills fans. They’ll get along great together.
Argentina‘s Diego Maradona (right) flies past England goalkeeper Peter Shilton after using his fist to score the infamous “Hand of God” goal during the 1986 World Cup quarterfinal.
(PA Images Archive via Getty Images)
Sometimes, you just run up against the Almighty. For all of England’s many mistakes and miscues throughout the last 60 years, the Lions’ loss in 1986 remains both agonizing and understandable. After all, when you’re playing both Argentina and God, you’re pretty outmatched.
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Diego Maradona’s two goals in the 1986 quarterfinals against England — scored within minutes of each other — stand as two of the most famous goals in World Cup history. There’s the Hand of God, which would have been overturned in a heartbeat by VAR today:
And the Goal of the Century, which pretty much lives up to its billing. Not much you can do against this:
There was a time when David Beckham, the cheerful chip-and-wing pitchman of today, wasn’t quite so beloved, and the hatred stemmed from an incident in the 1998 Round of 16 against Argentina (yep, them again). The nations were tied at 2 early in the second half when Beckham, face down on the pitch, decided to kick out at Argentina’s Diego Simeone. Naturally, Simeone reacted like he’d been simultaneously shot and set on fire, inducing a red card out of the referee. You make the call: Was this a red card-level offense?
Down a man for the rest of the match, England hung on until penalties, but eventually lost, 4-3. And Beckham drew rage from English fans for several months thereafter, even reportedly getting sent bullets in the mail. That seems extreme, but then that’s English football.
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1982: Unbeaten losers
The 1982 World Cup bracket featured two separate group stages — six groups of four, and then four groups of three, with the winner of each second group advancing to the finals. Too complicated? What it meant for England was this: The Lions did not suffer a single defeat, winning three times and drawing twice … and yet still didn’t advance because of goal differential. Ouch.
1990: When the right way is the wrong way
England faced West Germany in the semifinals, the Lions’ third straight extra-time match. When the match went to penalty kicks, English goalkeeper Peter Shilton judged the correct side for all four West German kicks — and was unable to stop any of them. Thus began a long and ugly run of England losing international matches in penalty kicks, one that would last until 2018
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1970: Stomach-turning
Facing West Germany in the quarterfinals, the same squad England had beaten for the 1966 title, the Three Lions held a 2-0 advantage for 70 minutes. But England’s starting keeper was out sick, and in short order his replacement let in two goals in 11 minutes, and a third in extra time to send the defending champions to a bitter defeat.
2022: Participation trophy
Matters were looking promising in Qatar as England won its group, took out Senegal in the first knockout match, and then faced France in the quarterfinals. Harry Kane had an opportunity to equalize in the 84th minute, but his penalty kick sailed over the goal, and England lost 2-1. At least England won the FIFA Fair Play Trophy that year. That’s almost as good as the real thing, right?
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And oh, there were so many more, like Wayne Rooney sparring with his own fans in 2010; a disastrous one-point group stage performance in 2014; and the shame of failing the qualify for the United States-hosted World Cup in 1994. Buy an English football fan a pint (or 10) and let them unburden their souls.
On Wednesday, England faces DR Congo in Atlanta, a town that knows a thing or two about extended sports futility. From there, it’s a potential date in Mexico City against Mexico. The North American continent historically hasn’t been kind to England; if the Three Lions are going to reverse centuries of futility, they can start Wednesday. If not, well … maybe it’ll come home in 2030.
